Wishing I was a Man...

I always secretly wished I was born as a Man... I believe a man's life is easier, not only because you can be macho and not be called a feminist but also because men do not have to make the choices we women have to make.

Growing up I always wanted to do what my big brother was doing. I played soccer with him, I was riding my bike like a boy in the forest, and I wanted to play with play mobiles.... I just wanted to be a boy and for that I was a Tomboy...
Then I grew up, I had to go take ballet classes and painting lessons. Then I discovered dresses, makeup and heals. Finally I grew up to be a woman. But this wish to be a man still stayed and the envy I have of their easiness of life is still alive....

The best example I have of the difference between men and women is that Men that are fat love to eat but Woman that are fat simply eat too much. But that's another discussion I guess.

I often have to sit in dinners where I have to listen to men talking about the fact that there are only a few great business women. That obviously men are cut for the job and women just make it if they're lucky or if they're helped by connections in any possible ways. There I sit quietly thinking that if these 'super business' men would only be clever enough to understand WHY so few women make it to the top maybe more women would make it then.
Well, guys, the answer is easy to understand. Many, many women have to make this (horrible) choice, work or family. Even if today more and more women try to get active at home and often make it to ‘their’ top. It's still probably not the choice they would have chosen. But they make it sound like everything's fine.

I also tell people everything's fine when they ask me about my life. Because honestly who wants to hear anyone complain about their life of 'desperate corporate housewife', the one who's trying to make it but cannot even sleep at night because she is so scared of failing. Honestly I had to make this choice but it wasn't my choice. Every day I pretend I'm just fine with it. But every day I wonder why the hell did I studied for. Will I end up like all these desperate housewives? Will I just be pretending that all is fine? Will I be getting fat because I would be so bored? Some days I just wish I was still in the corporate world, because, how much I was complaining about it when I was in it, I felt great about myself. I was seen, I was being acknowledged, I was being someone and I was changing the world. Or so I believed.
Today, here behind my little computer, the only thing that’s left is for me to write my frustrations down. I am sure I'm not the only one pretending all is fine. I am sure we are millions that just keep our smiles on, just to be perfect wives, perfect mothers and perfect daughters.

But who are we to ourselves? Why do we end up forgetting ourselves? I wish I could get up one day and tell myself: 'It doesn't matter that you're not that corporate bitch anymore.... You are a wife and a mother now' but unfortunately it's not enough and I have this horrible feeling that it will never be.